This is a very special night to me. Very unexpected, a night I never imagined like that. It's a night perhaps will change my belief forever. My thoughts are so complicated right now that I have to hold on some minutes to write it down instead of going to study in the library.
I received a call by a stranger yesterday on my GRE course. It's a man's voice. He said he got my number from a Korean studying in China. But I don't know any Korean student studying in Beijing. He explained that if I remember the three Korean travellers whom I accompanied during the summer vocation. Then, I know why. He invited me to a party some time later. I accepted it.
I met him tonight at one of the dining halls of my university. He messaged me telling that he would arrive 3 minutes later than the appointment time and he arrived just 2 minutes later of it. I wonder what a guy he is for there seems no need informing someone with such a short delay. Finally, I met him. Shorter but bigger than me. What impressed me most is his face, very affable and kind. In a word, he is totally absent from what I've imagined from his voice on the phone.
We just ordered some simple dishes at the dining hall. Then we started chatting. I know he has worked for 7 years after gruduation, that means he's 8 years older than me. I suspected he's a gay, but immediately negated myself. Although he hasn't married, he has a gril friend and very happy to answer my questions about her. I'm very sorry to doubt this in my heart, but this is very strange talking with a guy you even don't know before for such a long time face to face. I just feel uncomfortable at first, though peaceful as the talking goes. The reason why I feel uncomfortable is that I have to avoid eye contact from time to time. When he look at somewhere I have to look at him to show that I'm interested in what he was talking and when he look at me, I have to switch my sight to somewher else and pretend it at ease. In fact, I like to watch people's eyes to see their heart but I'm shy to do so. Why can't we look at each others's eyes when we talking?
He is a Christian while I'm a party member. He believe God while I should believe nothing. He became a Chistian when he was senior. I have to metion it again that he is perhaps the most different person I've ever seen. He told me he seldom smile after he entered junior middle school because his parents get along with each other badly. It's normal for him to not to talk to anyone for a week. One day before he was introduced to the Bible and Jesus, he was puzzled at the problem What do I live for? He thought hard but failed to get the answer. A girl, one of his classmates appeared to him telling him something about God. If he was not trapped by the problem, he wouldn't have a try. But this time, he just tried. He joined a group of people. A man asked them a question What do you live for? He was shocked. It was the very problem bothered him alot. Someone said for money, someone thought for family...It was his turn. He said for love. The love between parents and children, between a man and a woman, between friends and between human and animals. From then on, he turned himself a christian slowly.
He once asked help for psychologists, but gained nothing from them. Howerver, when he got to Jesus, he began to smile, and it's sensed by all his classmates. I asked him if he hate his parents for their bad marrige. He said they gave him one thing very pricious is that don't accept bribes. Both of his parents are government officials who are party members. I couldn't ask him why they're not getting along with each other well, what I know is that they 're very upright and stubborn. He said he love his parents at a level. But after he became a christian, he love the God at the highest level and he love his parents at a much higher level than before. He had a hard time with his parents for what he's done and now he get along with him better and better. He spoke slowly and peaceful, I've never thought of a man who can give me so deep soul speeh. I just can't imagine. Yet, he did it, very honestly. I just forgot the age, we were chatting deeply and out of soul. He must be the person sent by God to meet me, or, why can he touch my inside with his holiness so truly.
I've told him that I was a party member on our first phone talking. At that time, I was a little proud of saying so. However, after I heard so much from him I just felt a little shameful to metion it again. I dare not but have to say I feel a pity to chose to believe nothing. I can sense the warmth thinking of God but refuse to confess. Hope is a beautiful thing and that's the gift God give us. When I'm hopeless and I choose nothing to believe, I'm lonely.
To my surprise, during our chatting, he greeted many students of BUAA. He is not a graduat from BUAA, how can he know so many students who are strangers to me. Because they are all christians. They know each other in the church. He greeted all of these christians so warmly, which impressed me a lot. And I stood up following him and greeted them asking if they are christians? They all answered yes without any hesitation.
Knowing that I plan to go to study abroad he invited me to join a party to be held the day after tomorrow. Most of the party members are returnees and christians. He thought I can gain something useful from them. What a kind man! What's more, we plan to go to church this weekend. You know, I've never been to the church. It's forbidden for party members to go to churches, however, I think I will still go to visit it.
A wonderful day, isn't it. Like a dream... I still cannot believe it.
Returning......
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Coming back to Psyche Connections....Looking forward to reconnecting!! Linda
12 years ago
4 comments:
I think we all need something to believe in, some kind of purpose in life. For many, God is the simple and straight-forward answer. And it works for many people.
I think it would be worth a visit to a church, though all churches work differently. I personally find a single religion limiting, as if there should be something more. But that could just be me.
China is steeped in religious history, though not Christian history. If you get a chance, since you're there, I think it's worth it to go, visit, and absorb it all. Even from here in the US, after taking a few courses on it, I find it rather awe-inspiring.
Terence. I am excited when you are excited. I have noticed in you a yearning for God. I think it is nearly impossible to grow up and not feel that yearning. There is an empty place that only faith can fill. I have mixed feelings about Christianity. But the prayers of my friends and family are helping me fight my disease. (And those include your prayers, Rabbit.)
Even if church is not the right place for you, you may still keep God close to your heart, however you conceptualize God. This is what I try to do. I do not go to church, but rather consider my life a dialogue with God. Every move I make is a word uttered with God in mind.
Life is beautiful with faith to stand on.
Praying for your peace,
Charli
Rabbit,
This was a very interesting post. I was thinking the whole time that, as you had mentioned, that party members were forbidden to attend church, were you not afraid to talk about something that could be read by a sensor?
This thought was brought about by my understanding that the Chinese government does not tolerate dissension. Clearly illustrated in the fact that GRL co-founder was arrested for exercising what he felt was free speech and what the Chinese government said was unlicensed public disturbance.
There are a lot of things that I wish I understood better without the bias of media interpretation.
There are a lot of things I want to say, but am hesitant because I have no wish to cause anyone trouble.
Some of these things include western perception of free speech, free religion, etc.
The New York times ran an article last Sunday that was talking about "suppression of muslim religious practices in the western area around Xinjiang".
I often wonder what the Chinese people would say to they way things are written about China in our papers, and whether they are true, half-true, or distortions of truth.
I read a book called Gaunxi that talked about the partnership of so many American companies and doing business in China. It's obvious that we have a deep economic relationship with China, so why is it that most Americans know so very little about, or are told very misleading things about your culture? (more of a rhetorical question)
Anyway, back to the subject of your post, I think you should follow your heart. I think it would not hurt to also keep a level approach to your pursuits, meaning, to not let emotion rule you, only sound and lucid judgment. I think that it is undeniable that love conquers all else, I only wish I was better at exercising that myself.
I like the Black Eyed Peas song "Were is the Love" I have linked to it in my playlist on my blog.
I believe in God, I am a Christian, but in America you will find (this is probably true everywhere) that people use God and religion to broadcast their ulterior motives and beliefs such as politics or hate. This has disillusioned and turned off large numbers of people.
I think that if you stay close to the central message of Love you won't go wrong. When they asked Jesus what was the most important things, he said Love of God and Love of your neighbor.
Looks like I have rambled to long, now I am going to go out in traffic and show the contradictory side of my personality and the reason I, of all people, should never preach =)
Rabbit
This is a wonderful and inspiring post. You are such an intuitive person and I know that this meeting/connection was a blessing whatever its purpose may be.
I guess I see God or the higher power a little differently from some christians although I was reared in a very traditional christian fundamentalist church. I do deeply believe in love, acceptance and service.
I would like to also comment on Stu's extremely well written thought provoking post. Stu thank you for your well organized thoughts. I appreciate them and find that my thoughts are similiar in some areas.
In particular I restate this message from Stu. It is right on target.
"I think that if you stay close to the central message of Love you won't go wrong. When they asked Jesus what was the most important things, he said Love of God and Love of your neighbor."
Have a wonderful weekend dear friend Terence. Keep me posted on your impressions as this connections unfold more.
Hugs
Linda
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