Reject and Receive

This noon, I took an appointment to have lunch with one of my christian friend. We didn't talk anything about God during the lunch but all the things we were up to last week. When we aparted, he gave a book to me whose article is GEGIN YOUR NEW LIFE.
It says that there is a normal relationship between God and the person, which should be definetely known by every christian. If you don't realize it definetly, it's impossible for you to experience the true happiness of your life. When you accept him as your father, he will enter your life.
I should say I sometimes invite him into my heart. I sometimes really need him and sometimes just forget him. I'm not good for I don't treat religion seriously enough. When I makes a mistake, I think of him begging for his mercy. When I feel sad, I let him see my tears. Whenever I'm dreaming, I hope God can hear my voice. And, I am not be frightened that easily when I think of him. I wonder whether it's because they don't believe God or anything that let themselves stand alone on the top of the floor then fell to the ground. It is often reported someone took suiside in the campus. They do this because they are sad and of no hope, which can't be seen from the face of every christian I know. That's what I should say thanks to God.
I'm so selfish for I only receive from God but I do nothing for him. I am supposed to spread his love to others, however, on the contrary, I'm developing new party members and tell them there is no God. Irony. I'm embarrassed about myself.
I can't sing Amazing grace like a pop song whenever I want to without thinking about the meaning of the lyric. I think God will punish me if I sing like that. Now whenever I want to sing it, I sing from the bottom of my heart. Oh, I don't forgot the promise about singing Silent Night on Christmas eve. Haha, I know that's a very old song, but I can't help singing it everytime I left the lab for my dorm on the cold dark midnight in Beijing.
I'm busy with my work, and perhaps with my heart.